November 7, 2003

For any Forward Motion website writers who figured I had finally disappeared for good, I just wanted to let you know that I'm alive and well after all. And I'm coming back starting this coming week or two, with a 5,000 mile journey to embark on.

You'll see me on the website more again, and I'll even be corresponding again. Major apologies to all who haven't had letters from me since October 11th! Also, my Weblog will be resurrected sometime this coming week, and put back into regular service.

As to the 5,000 mile journey. I'm planning on doing a "virtual walk" of the American Discovery Trail, which runs across the length of the United States, from Delaware to Maryland.

How to explain all this?

I was put into shock after my September 23rd doctor appointment. Partially, it was encouraging, as it nailed down some areas that I could work on to improve my health. But concerning writing, it was very discouraging. So much so, that I got so discouraged, I haven't even been answering letters.

I took up writing again about a year and a half ago, intending to turn it into an alternative work style that I felt would go along perfectly with being disabled and ill so much of the time.

The problem is, that it clearly wasn't working. Although I tried to ignore that fact. My health got worse, rather than even maintaining at the level I was at, while I spent so many hours at the computer each day, writing and learning about writing. I started getting more and more illnesses. It turned out my white blood cell count was dropping as well.

The problem is, that the writing lifestyle I had taken on, which initially seemed to me perfect for someone with a chronic illness who is often bedridden and usually not anywhere near what others consider full strength, was not as workable as I had hoped. There were several problems with it.

One - It encouraged me to spend a large part of the day sitting or lying down, not only at times when I was too sick to do otherwise, but also, at times when I was stronger. It fed the inactivity.

Two - The high use of the computer, for someone who is sensitive to plastic fumes it outgasses, turned out to be destructive. Not to mention the problems that developed with carpal tunnel (since I tend towards arthritic conditions), eye strain and headaches, shoulder and back problems, etc.

Three - High computer use also tended to be isolating, leading to depression. Again, it served me well on days I couldn't get out due to illness anyway. But on the days when I COULD have gotten out, I tended, by habit, to stay indoors and work at the computer.

Four - The blasted computer turned out to be very addictive. And I was ending up spending even MORE hours on it than writing required, substituting it for real life contacts, phone calls, etc.

Some of the life changes the doctor and I discussed, woke me up to the fact that the writing life I had chosen, as a last ditch attempt at becoming productive with my chronic illness, was having exactly the opposite effect. In fact, it became clear that, if continued in the WAY I was doing it, the writing attempt would lead me to ever increasing health problems.

To use a sixties phrase . . . This bummed me out.

I decided to take a three month break from writing, while installing the new health habits the doctor and I decided on: diet changes for the digestion problem it turns out I have, exercise and activity changes, more allergy and environmental controls in my home (involving some MAJOR changes that effect me both financially as well as time wise. I'm going to have to learn some new house cleaning habits on top of it all also). Testing of some new medicines. Etc.

But, when I saw NaNoWriMo -- write the novel in a month challenge -- coming up, I couldn't resist signing up for that, at least, figuring I could do that a couple hours a day while doing the other stuff.

But I hadn't counted on the depression interfering -- due to finding out that my planned writing career was sabotaging my health. Not only did I find that I didn't want to write NaNo. I found I did not want to write ANYTHING. Even the simplest letters to friends. I had cut my computer time to an hour a day, but then wasn't even using that for writing. Ended up playing computer games, depressed. The only letters I have sent out were emails to my Pastor concerning some problems that have come up in the church. That's the ONLY thing even close to writing that I've done for the past month.

Finally realized that the reasons are: 1) Depressed about writing. 2) The new health habits are more time consuming and energy consuming than I had expected, even. And I have had to totally focus on them in order to make steady progress there.

The good news is, that my health has improved with it all, and rather than being bedridden for weeks in October and early November, as has been the pattern recently, I am doing OK. I'm currently feeling much better than I have felt in November for years, in fact. This made me very happy.

The bad news is, that I got to this state of improvement through having to dump the writing. This bummed me out.

I wanted to start writing again. But I didn't want to take up something that was going to get in the way of the new, fragile, developing health habits. Especially not something that seemed to work directly against them in some ways.

So how does all this lead up to me coming back to more active writing and being on the website more again, you wonder? And 5,000 miles ?

Well, I've been praying about it all, a lot, of course. As that's what a Christain does (especially when said Christian is feeling backed into a corner), looking to the Lord for solution or leading concerning a seeming dilemma.

And yesterday a possible solution came to me.

I was surfing the Web, through a Google search, looking for something to encourage me and help motivate me to stay steady on the exercise program. I was thinking that maybe, if I could find a map of the Lewis and Clark journey that was specific enough, I could "walk it" by doing the equivalent miles on my walks around my home town, and on my mini-trampoline. I was thinking that tracing daily progress on a map might help stimulate interest in what otherwise is a fairly routine and boring day-in-and-day-out type of exercise routine.

In that search, I stumbled onto several websites that had come up with the same type of idea already. Some schools are even having whole gym classes "virtual walking" or "virtual jogging" across America, using maps to mark progress, and researching towns along the way on the Web, when they reach the towns on the map. They walk or jog around their gyms or playgrounds, chart the mileage, transfer the mileage to the map, and then research the town they hit that week.

There are even websites like Forward Motion that are set up for people who are walking or jogging daily, rather than for writers. With a similar format to FM.

But with my limited computer time, another website community to become a member of, was not what I was looking for.

But one website did strike my fancy. It has the "Webwalking USA" links on it. This is a "virtual walk" along the American Discovery Trail, which starts on the coast of Delaware and ends on the California coast. Each section of the trail is linked to a webpage of directions for real hikers who hike the trail, and contains a VERY SHORT discussion of the towns and sites along the way. Plus mileage notations. And you can print out a very small map and chart your progress as you "virtual walk" across the country.

This was good. But I realized it was not totally what I had in mind. For one thing -- it had no pictures of where I was walking. I want pictures. For the other thing, 5,048 miles at 6 miles a day (adding up my two daily walks and six 7-minute sessions on the mini trampoline) was going to take too long, even if I were healthy enough to do it EVERY DAY, which seemed unlikely.

So I decided I wanted pictures of where I was walking. Which, I know, are findable on the Web by using Alta Vista search for images, and inserting the names of the towns I'm passing through. And I realized I could get weather reports from www.weather.com for the towns I'm in. And they must have Chamber of Commerces in the towns, that would describe the sites I was visiting. Etc.

All it would take was some Web research each day. Plus looking up historical info. in the encyclopedias about the towns and areas.

This could get interesting . . . And turn something boring into something more lively.

And make the INVISIBLE daily progress of consistent exercise more VISISBLE in progression, and therefore more motivating and easy to stick to.

But it would only solve the EXERCISE habit issue. What about maintaining motivation for my diet, for the house cleaning, for getting to bed on time? Etc. Etc. And even Etc.?

Then things started clicking. I realized I could assign my other health routines mileage points. For example, I could give myself 1 mile earned for getting up on the first ring of the alarm in the morning. 1 mile earned for cooking and eating a meal that fits my medical diet perfectly and no snacking between. Etc. Plus the mileage points for regular walking and mini-trampoline.

I worked up a schedule where I could POTENTIALLY earn 16 miles a day -- possibly a few more, if I end up exercising more later. I figured that most days, on average, I would end up around 12 to 14 miles a day when I wasn't majorly ill. This is the average distance someone who was actually hiking the trail could go, in good physical condition.

Now, this 5,000-plus mile journey was suddenly looking doable in about a year, if I were highly virtuous and followed my doctor's instructions really well and consistently.

Not only so, but it dawned on me that this would be a fun writing project. I could do computer research each day during my computer hour, and download the info to my Organizer for later reading. Then write a 1,000 word virtual walking journal entry about that section of the trail (about 15 miles of it, on average, if I "walk" a good pace.)

There's a slight chance it might even turn out publishable at the end of the year, with much editing.

And I can write it by hand, off computer. I could end up with about 300,000 words of information on the American Discovery Trail, editable down to 100,000 words book-length. And maybe other people interested in actually hiking the trail (or even other "virtual walkers") would want to read it.

And it's a writng project that FEEDS the health habits rather than competes with them. And will give me time to learn more how to do writing in ways that are not detracting from my health. Plus will improve my research skills, and be a good exercise in feeding consistent day-to-day writing habits in the midst of it all.

So that's what I'm going to do, I think. And, although I won't have computer time enough to be on Forward Motion as MUCH as I once was, I'll start to be around more again, and look forward to chatting with you all again, as I work on the new writing project.

I'm setting aside the novels for now, and will keep it down to this one project, possibly for this whole year. Although, if, 3 or 6 months down the line, I'm actually halfway across the U.S. on my "walk", and am keeping up a good pace, and feel I can take on a bit more writing alongside it, then I may begin to pick up the novel work again. We'll see how it goes.

These next couple of weeks I'll be worldbuilding the idea. Thinking through more what types of things I want to research, whether I want to novelize a journey or go strictly non-fiction, how much I want to personalize it, etc.. And I,ll be setting the computer up for the research in some ways (digging out my encyclopedia CDs, checking out research websites, etc.), plus resurrecting my Weblog, and getting things in gear to get back to business.

And I'll try to begin to catch up on personal letters I owe people too!

For I am much cheered up.

I'm looking to leave from Cape Henlopen State Park in Lewes Delaware by the 21st of November at the latest. Currently have a picture of a beautiful ocean sunset at Cape Henlopen on my computer. But I'll avoid stopping off at Kings Homemade Ice Cream parlor in Lewes on my first day, as it's just not on my diet! (Smile.)

Am feeling much cheered up!

Again, apologies for disappearing and not answering letters! I have the emails people wrote me on my Organizer, and will be answering this coming week, hopefully! It's not that I don't care or am not interested -- just that I was having a bit of a rough time, and needed to dig in and pray and work through it.

Thanks for those of you who prayed for me, or wrote me!

And God bless all you NaNo-ers on YOUR journey -- 50,000 words, and 1 week done!

Go! Go! Go!

~~~~~~Signature's Off~~~~~~